Let's rock Apple Event - What's going to happen- no kidding, the real deal! Trust me

These things will be shown today. I don't guess, I know it. Chuck Norris told me. And BTW, Steve Jobs isn't doing the keynote today. He got roundhouse-kicked by Chuck Norris over a fight who invented the iPhone.

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So let's get it all together:

  • New iTunes, Version 8 or 9. Or... 10...ish. Can sync with the Zune

  • New Macbooks. In silver, black, blue, white, brown (Zune-Killer!) and.. white again. And a special Edition in BONO-Red. (no, not BOBO, BONO. The idiot douche-bag who thinks he knows everything. But then again... maybe I should call him BoBo...)

  • New iPhone. No touchscreen anymore and more social. Comes in brown only and Jerry Seinfeld delivers each unit personally.

  • A new Mighty Mouse. A model that actually WORKS for more than.. 2 days before the FUCKING BALL GETS ALL STICKY AND UGLY AND.. whatever.. next point

  • A subscription service for iTunes. Developed by Will Wright. You can play any song 3 times. After that you have to dance and sing in front of one of your friends. But that doesn't work most of the time, so you could just kill them. This also gets you another 3 times.

  • A tablet. An actual tablet with an apple logo on the back. Sold by Pottery Barn only. Starting today. 16 inch and 32inch models available.

  • New MobileMe. Called just Mobile, so it's not entirely clear WHO is mobile and nobody has to be sad anymore. It's functionality has also been redefined and slimmed down a bit, so, right now it doesn't do anything and that's EXACTLY what it is supposed to.

  • But the thing I anticipate the most, is the new Chuck Norris Game for the iPhone. Essentially it just gives you a roundhouse-kick every time you start it up. And as everybody knows, you can't defeat Chuck Norris, so there is nothing else you can do. Just restart and get another beating. AWESOME! You have to get one, it's not optional. Seriously.



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